My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
