someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
