Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
