I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
