she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
