i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
