Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
