The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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