I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
