like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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