After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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