Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize