just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
