The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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