I haven't been this sober since birth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
