A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
