goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
