His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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