Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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