watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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