guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
