Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She told me I should be a condom model.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
