yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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