Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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