I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
