wrigley field is MILF paradise
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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