SEEEEXXX PLEASE
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
