She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you had me at cake vodka
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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