the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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