I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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