I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
