I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
