Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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