Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
