I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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