This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
