If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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