How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
