It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
