they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
