party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My feet surprised me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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