i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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