Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
