i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
