I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
