I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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