he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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