well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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