Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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