Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
