Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
