Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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