I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
