I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
