She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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