Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
