who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wanna go halves on a baby?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
