Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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