just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
