that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
