I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
