My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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