dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
dude. I can hear the air.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
