my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize