im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
