i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
