I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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