i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
