apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
